(mostly) Written the night of December 12, 2002

Last night my son Alex was present with 3 friends and one person he did not know personally, who came with a gun. They were all outside an apartment complex. Alex and one friend were at the top of the stairs, the owner of the gun and Alex's other friend were at the bottom of the stairs. Alex's friend at the bottom of the stairs wanted to see the gun so the person handed it to him. He'd apparently never held a gun before. His friend began flailing the gun about, acting silly with it. Most of the people present told him to stop doing this with Alex being the last person to say to him "don't point that gun around like that". Two seconds later the gun went off as he jerked it back and forth, inadvertently applying too much pressure to the trigger. It discharged and the bullet found my son. 

Alex died on the spot. Just like that, my son was gone in an instant. All his hopes and dreams, and future, all our hopes and dreams for Alex - disappeared in a flash. Horrible case of wrong place at the wrong time. His friend is sorry about what he did to his friend Alex but is charged with murder nevertheless. The detective asked me to verify his full name saying "we can't seem to find anything on your son". I told him that they wouldn't. He's never had any trouble with the law. He said "Oh. That explains it then". They apparently assumed since he was involved in a shooting that he had a criminal past. 

We're in shock. A parent's worst nightmare come true. It's not actually possible to accurately, fully describe the depth and the breadth of the heart-break and sorrow, the pain and anguish our family is reeling from right now. It's something like we've all been violently slammed to the ground - mom, brothers and sisters, trying to get up but the shock, hurt and pain still immobilizes us so there we lay, hurting and helpless. We sometimes feel as though my son has been robbed and so have we. I and mom and Alex's brothers and sisters are dying of broken hearts and I must now prepare to bury my son. Oh, God have mercy! 

My groaning has worn me out. At night my bed and pillow are soaked with tears. Psalm 6:6

Who Was Alex De Luna?

Alex was the eldest of eight. The brother of Steve, Rene, Ashley, Ariel and Gabriel, Serena and Steven. He grew up in the San Francisco Bay area. He was greatly loved by many and will be missed terribly.

Alex was a good kid and a wonderful son. A real good kid. Last school year I rewarded him $150 for having the best grades out of eight kids. He was extremely protective of his siblings and had a good head on his shoulders. He wasn't a big risk-taker. He had tons of friends. They flocked to the house. Really. No kidding. It was funny to watch. Kids would love to sit around the back yard and listen to Alex talk. He was charismatic and very well liked. 

Even being so young, Alex demonstrated that he clearly understood the meaning of honor and integrity, and in keeping one's word. He was someone you could trust to do the right thing and do what he said he would do. Alex was a "momma's boy". He lived for his mom and I so loved that about him. He was a homebody. Recently, he hadn't left the house to go out in weeks. As he left for the last time, he said, "I'll be back in a few minutes, mom".

Mom is dying a thousands deaths right now. I have never seen a more grief-stricken woman ever. She's completely and totally devastated. Utterly inconsolable. She laid in his bed last night but couldn't sleep. All she could do was cry throughout the night. 

Every sibling and cousin looked up to him and admired him. He was a good role model. He was a peacemaker. The way he argued or debated with me both frustrated me and made me realize he'd make an excellent attorney some day. He was due to start college this coming year. His cap and gown arrived 2 days after he died.

I have a fraction of the discipline this boy had. He worked out with weights everyday without fail and did aerobic training. He was relentless. Alex had a goal to lose weight and lost nearly 100 lbs in the past year. He met and exceeded his goal. 

Alex was full of plans. His sister Ariel cried most of the night while clutching notebooks full of Alex's song lyrics. Alex was to begin college in September. Alex was such a charmer. He could charm the money right out of any of his brothers, sisters, and mom's pockets. Once in a while, my pockets too. I loved the way he laughed. He had the best laugh of all my kids. I'll never hear him laugh again.

Tonight Susana, me, Alex's aunt Patty (my sister), uncle Louie and cousins Louie and Ruben stopped in a restaurant to eat. Before the waitress came every one of us was sobbing at the table. Six people crying and hugging one another. Oh, so many heavy hearts.

The weight of my own sorrow, grief and heart-break is crushing me to death. I can hardly breathe. It's all I can do to hold on. I feel as though I am drowning and slipping under. I can't see through my tears to type any more of this.

God Is In Control

There is no anger, no "why my son?". I am at peace with God's plan for my son, even if I don't know what that plan is.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

Death is not the last word. In fact, I believe firmly that what we see as death is actually the beginning of a new life. Alex has begun a new life. One far, far better, richer, more fulfilling than the one he lived here with us. God's mission for Alex here on earth was apparently a short one and now he's been "re-assigned". I know that God is in charge and I take comfort and solace in this knowledge, and in knowing that Alex is with God now. 

Gradually, with time, we will grieve less over our own loss and focus more on celebrating eighteen years of wonderful memories of Alex's life here with us and of course, his new life in Christ. The challenge for us is to figure out how to say goodbye to Alex, to do our grief-work, to adjust to a new plan, a different life - one without Alex in it, and let God be God.

As we sat at the kitchen table last night, holding our own family grief counseling session, I told my wife and kids that if our grief is the price of having loved Alex then I, for one, was happy to pay it. It is only because we loved him so much that we grieve so much. If Alex died and I said "so what", then it means that 18 years with him meant nothing to me. But this is not so. He was my firstborn child. I loved him very, very deeply and cherish the wonderful, loving  memories of watching my beautiful son grow up to be a man, of watching him be the wonderful brother he was to so many siblings. Of watching his brothers and sisters adore him. So then, love is inextricably connected with grief. I can not love and not grieve. Because I loved, I will grieve.

The Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces.  Isaiah 25:8 

The righteous pass away; the godly often die before their time. And no one seems to care or wonder why. No one seems to understand that God is protecting them from the evil to come. For the godly who die will rest in peace.  Isaiah 57:1-2

Today, a few weeks after Alex's "homegoing", when people ask me "How are you doing?", I often reply "Better than good!" I could say that only because of my faith that Alex is also doing better than good, and he now lives in a place that is better than wonderful.

For many years I held the belief, "I've got so many things to do and so many people I love, I hope God will let me live to a ripe old age so I can get these things done and be with the people I love so much." Since Alex's death my perspective has changed: At whatever time God calls me home, His timing will be perfect, and the place that He has prepared for me will be perfect. I have more to look forward to in heaven than I have to look forward to by experiencing a long life on this earth.

Alex's Funeral

Alex's funeral services were a fitting way to honor my son in a way he deserved. It was so very touching to see that we had an overflow crowd attend the evening services and a large number of people attend the church services. I want to thank each and every one of you who attended. Such an overwhelming outpouring of love offerings clearly shows that even in the face of devastating tragedy, our God of Love is completely in charge!  To say "thank you" sounds so insignificant compared to the depth and breadth of our gratitude to many of you.

At the reception I taped up every email sent to us with words of comfort and sympathy that came in. I wanted everyone who attended to see the outpouring of love. Emails came in from around the world. It was truly a site to behold.

During the two days of services we were witness to several small miracles. Miracles of healed relationships. It was so heart-warming to see how the love for Alex transcended old hurts and wounds and brought people back together - some for the first time ever - to focus on something much bigger than themselves. God is great. 

Someone at the funeral came up to me and said, "the past few days we've all heard about how Alex is dead. Don't you believe it! He is more alive than he has ever been." Oh, how true that is!

Send this website link to everyone you know and help us save children.

If you are a family or friend of a victim of a gun-related death, I'd like to hear from you. Please contact me at david@delunatic.com.

David De Luna

You can see more pics of Alex, his siblings and parents at our Picturetrail site at http://davidandsusana.com.

Thanksgiving 2001 pics with his brother Rene (in white) and cousins Louie and Ruben.

With his Uncle Louie

With uncle Louie and his wife, my sister Patty

Alex attempting to dunk his best friend and cousin, Anthony

Floating in Lake Sonoma

Sledding in Lake Tahoe

My family - Alex, Gabriel, Ashley, Susana, Ariel, and Rene at Universal Hollywood last August (other son, Steven is out of picture, as well as Alex's other siblings, Serena and

My Number One in front of the Hard Rock Cafe

A family tradition. Years ago hunting for eggs on my dad's ranch with my best friend Sal's son, Michael.

Alex on the left, then Susana, Ashley, cousin Jourdan, Rene. Winter Fun in Tahoe

ALL of my folks grandchildren at Christmas, with Alex far right

Alex at the wedding of his best friend and cousin, Anthony, with Susana, Ashley, and Steven

One of Alex's favorite colors was orange. Surrounded here by cousins Ray on left and Louie on the right with brother Rene at far right.

Dad, Mom, Alex and Gabriel, our second son who passed away in 1988

Gabriel II, Ariel, Rene, and big bro Alex

Alex De Luna. My handsome son

A few weeks after Alex's funeral, Ariel, Alex's sister, had a very vivid dream about him. Read it here.

Alex's little brother, Gabriel wrote this poem. Read it here.

The death of Alex, or maybe your own loved one, can either make you bitter or cause you to change things around you. The choice is yours. Read this to learn what I'm talking about.

Like us, for many others, the first Christmas without a loved one can be very tough. Christians should read this to help put it in perspective.

Diamond Rio, the famous Country duo, has a new album with a wonderful song on how to view the passing of a loved one. The name of the song is "I Believe". Read the words here.

Send this website link to everyone you know and help us save children.